The Make Believe Theory
by a warrior queen
Summary: Let's make shades of gray. —Sasuke-centric, SasuSaku.
1. Sunrise

‹ the make believe theory ›

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Bet I'm supposed to start with a real hook, yeah?

No.

I'm not going to say something awe-inspiring that's gonna make you grin or laugh or get you to connect with me by some thin little thread of _lies_. If you want to hear my story, you're going to sit there and you're going to read on until you finally get where I'm coming from. I don't want your pity and I don't want your sympathy—I don't really want anything from you, honestly.

If you're still here, then that means I've spiked your interest and that's how you throw a curveball of a hook to curious cats.

So now you're either talking shit, tryna get me to hurry up and straight to the point, or wondering what exactly _is_ my point and that's good and all but I'm not here to cater to your wishes. I mean, it's nothing out of this world, I can tell you that; I didn't walk through the valley of death and I didn't meet a God or anything.

I'm going to tell you a story. It's not about love—not all of it—it's about moving on.

I'm Sasuke, by the way.

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Basic stories start at home or something like that; last I've heard, they start in chat groups, CEO offices and even clinics. Pretty dramatic, if you ask me, but I don't really like the books that are out to grip the soul of mothers and grandmothers and girls that only ever fall in love with ink on paper, so what the hell do I know, right? My story doesn't start with such a flare—it starts with me playing video games in my room.

I was twenty and I still lived with my parents; I mean that's nothing to frown upon, my brother was twenty-three and he still lived at home and so did my nineteen year old sister. That's just how my mother always wanted it to be.

It was a lazy day—you know the kind, right? Where it starts late and slow and you don't really want to do anything all day so you stay in your boxers, entangled in your sheets and just play fucking Devil May Cry like your life depended on it. Binge video game playing, and man was I king of that shit.

So yeah, man, there I was just lazing around, playing video games and bitching at Naruto through Blackberry Messenger and… Regular day, pointblank.

And that's the beauty of some shit, I guess, it creeps up on you when you least expect it and the feeling you get when it hits you is kinda powerful. Like in the old cartoons, when the character goes rigid and all the color is drained out of them and they're just hovering a few inches above the ground, just shimmying a bit.

Anyway.

So that's what was going on right then. I was replying to Naruto when it happened. For someone that doesn't really use their phone except to Google if there's an extra after the credits of a new movie (Spoiler: Marvel always does this shit) or to get a Snapchat of some stupid shit my sister was doing... I was pretty legit at texting. One hand, bro, what are you doing with your life?

But yeah, replying to Naruto with one hand and holding onto my controller with the other one.

And then my phone just started ringing—vibrating, because I don't really ever take it off vibrate mode—in my hand, cutting off my text and scaring the living shit out of me.

There's no number and no Caller ID.

Just that standard notice of an incoming call, the kind phones give when they're acting wonky and can't load the information.

I picked up.

I never really picked up calls like that because they're always dead silence or some ad tryna sink you down with debts disguised as promises. But I picked this one up; what the hell, right? It's a lazy day, I'm not doing anything productive—I can kill a minute or two and humor this call.

"Hello?"

"Sasuke."

It was my dad.

Which meant he was calling me from the station. My dad was Chief of Police in Oto, you see, so he was always over there around this hour… Except he never really called me and stuff… Anyway, so yeah, it was my dad on the other line.

"What?"

And then silence.

He didn't hang up or anything, coz I heard his breathing on the other line as well as voices in the background. It was more like the kind of silence where he was trying to figure out how to say what he was going to say without using so many words. That's how my dad was—he mulled things over, picking and changing the words so the meaning was still there but he didn't have to say more than ten words to get it across.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke," he finally said, sighing and kind of sad.

My dad and I never had the perfect relationship. I guess that's where my life kinda related to the popular books out there, where the main character is all angst because of daddy issues. My dad was closest to my brother and my kid sister; me, I was the troubled child in the background, breaking shit and disappearing and never paying much attention to the double overload of affections my mom gave me to make up for my dad's neglect.

So I furrowed my brow, dropping the controller onto the bed and sat up. "What? Why?"

Not gonna lie, I actually thought it had something to do with my car. I was crazy possessive about that thing, man; it didn't have the perfect paint job, but the bumpers were nice and shiny and the leather interior was still pretty legit and my '69 Camaro was my _life_. I earned the money for the scrap of ready-to-fall-to-pieces metal it had been and I earned the money to fix it. Fucking beauty was my _life_.

"Sasuke," my dad said on the other line, his tone nothing like the gruff Chief he was supposed to be. "Kiba's dead, Sasuke. Ino and Suigetsu are in the emergency room. Jesus fuck, I'm sorry, kid."

I was too far gone by then to even pay attention to my dad's pet name. All I heard after the news was a ringing in my ears. Loud, acute, overpowering and mind-jarring.

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I guess I should let you in on why that shit put me in a wicked spell. You know, other than the fact that death and emergency rooms were in the equation.

Kiba was my best friend.

You know how you have a circle of friends and though they're all really your best friends, there are the ones that you are most attached to? People would think it was Naruto and, I mean, I can understand why; our dads were best friends and our moms were basically blood sisters without the blood. And I mean, yeah, Naruto was my best friend but the title was overshadowed by the title of 'brother.' It made more sense and it was actually how we were; if asked, I had two brothers and a sister. That was our relationship, dumb fuckface was my brother.

Kiba was my best friend.

He was the douche that called shotgun when we'd drive off somewhere, him and me and our douchebag friends. And he was the one that knew what I was thinking before I was thinking it, the one who had the same opinions as me and the one that I would argue with the most because of it.

Then there's Suigetsu.

Another shithead that was part of our group. We grew up together—all of us—Kiba, Naruto, Suigetsu, Neji and me. That was us, that was our crew, our squad, or whatever you want to call it.

Ino was my sister's best friend and she was Kiba's girlfriend. Just by those two facts alone, you can already guess that she was pretty important to me, too. I saw her almost every day, whether she was at my house or at Kiba's when I'd walk in to freeload on his beer, internet and cable.

That's why I kind of zoned out when my dad called to give me the news. All of those people, those three fucking idiots, they were important to me. They were my _friends_.

My best friend was _dead_.

And the other two were in critical condition, in the emergency room.

But get this—

My best friend was _dead_.

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But worst of all, let me tell you, is the fact that Kiba and Ino had a two year old kid.

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I sat on a chair in the back row.

My eyes were glazed over, my hair a mess with my forelocks shadowing my face. I kept tapping the back of my feet against the ground, willing my knee to keep a rhythm going so the kid on my lap would stay asleep for the entirety of the wake. My eyes were downcast the entire time, and I never lifted them up because it was more interesting to wonder how the chair in front of me could stay upright despite the weight it was supporting.

Honest to fucking God, I felt like I was choking. I was barely breathing because everything that I pulled into my lungs smelt of loss and change.

So I fucking sat there, holding that parentless little girl, staring at the floor and having no fucking strength to look up because I knew—I fucking knew—that if I did, all I would have to stare at was the body of my dead best friend and I swear I didn't have the power to do that. I didn't think I would've been able to handle the fact that he wasn't moving. I didn't think I would've been able to handle the fact that he was never going to fucking move again.

The thought made my blood freeze. It made me want to scream. It made me want to stand up and lash out, throw all these fucking chairs and make a fucking mess out of that reception and march to that fucking casket and demand Kiba stand right the fuck up and out of there and maybe punch him for even considering this joke to be funny.

But it wasn't a joke.

Kiba was dead.

I ran my hand through the strands of dirty blond hair on top of the little girl's head, reminding myself that somewhere in this wake were my other best friends, mourning as bad as I was. Naruto was comforting his girlfriend and Neji was further back than I was, hidden in the shadows as he stood against the wall.

And Karin…

…My sister was a mess. I didn't see her because our parents were keeping her together. The fact that her best friend _and_ her boyfriend were in a coma…and that Kiba was dead… Karin was a lot of things, but she wasn't strong enough to put on a tough act for something like that.

By then, I was gritting my teeth. I couldn't be there—I had to leave because I couldn't cope and I was going crazy and I needed to get away.

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Before I tell you what happened at the funeral—and something did happen, but it's probably not what you think it is so don't even bother guessing; shut up and listen—I guess I should tell you about this infamous little girl I keep talking about, yeah?

Her name's Rei and she's one of the main protagonists of this story. She's my dead best friend's daughter and she looks like him, too; mischievous dark eyes and a crooked little grin. Sassy little punk, that's what she is.

There are a million and one reasons why Rei is important but I'm going to start from the very beginning. Paraphrase that shit.

You know how, when a woman goes into labor, it's mostly just the father of the kid that goes into the delivery room with her? And if the father isn't around because it's an unexpected labor and he's working, it's the woman's mother or sister or whatever?

I was in Ino's delivery room because Kiba had been at work on the other side of the city.

I drove Ino to the hospital, got her the wheelchair, drove her around and got mistaken for the father-to-be. I was in the delivery room, my fingers were crushed worse and worse with each contraction she had and I was the one that heard that little girl's first wails.

I cut that umbilical cord and held her before passing her to her exhausted mother.

I was the first person that Rei saw and vice versa. And I knew right from that moment, when she was placed in my arms to hand to Ino, that she was going to have me wrapped around her little finger and do whatever she wanted with me. They say your significant other will be your downfall; mine was different. My downfall came in a packet of ear-piercing wails, brown eyes and dirty-blond hair with a bad attitude all wrapped up in a baby's body.

Kid became my goddaughter.

And Rei's intro ends like this:

After that accident, after Kiba died and Ino went into a coma… She became my legal daughter.

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So then I was a twenty year old and a surrogate father for a little girl and attending the funeral of my dead best friend.

It wasn't raining, that day. Just drizzling; the sky was a dark gray and clouds promised something like a storm later on in the week, the wind was a bit hostile and Rei's dress grazed my hands as it swayed with the breeze while I held her, her head resting on my shoulder, one hand gripping my shirt and the other rubbing soothing circles on my arm. Like if she was trying to comfort me; like if she knew the pain I was going through and all the drastic changes happening around her and she was trying to remind me that everything would be okay.

Everyone was dressed in the standard black—mourning color. I thought it was fucking obnoxious; black isn't a mourning color. Black is elegant. If anything I find red to be the perfect mourning outfit yet I was still blending in with the crowd, black on pale skin and pretty fucking positive I heard Kiba snorting at how cliché everything was.

I faced away when they began to lower the casket. I've never been one to think about death but right then at that very moment I found it completely fucking unbearable to realize that… To die… To be fixed up and suited up and forever bedridden in a casket and to be lowered down into a hole six feet deep… It's like being put away forever.

It's like being forgotten—like you were never there.

It was mind-blowing; like smoking a joint and floating up in cloud nine, feather-light and thinking about things you can't seem to find the time for in your daily life rituals. It was enough to make my grip around Rei grow tighter; pressed her closer to me as more of a way to have me come out of my morbid thoughts than to comfort her.

Because Kiba was being lowered down in a hole six feet deep, fixed and suited up and bedridden in that casket but he wouldn't be forgotten. Because I was holding the living proof that he was around for twenty years before he left like the fucking douchebag he was.

Every time I'd look at Rei, study her face when I'll scold her for misbehaving—it'll be like I'm looking at Kiba.

Motherfucker wouldn't be forgotten. He was around.

I swallowed, swaying from side to side to keep Rei appeased and counting the black bars of the gates caging the dead inside the massive amount of land—as if they could ever get up and leave.

The ceremony ended after a few more prayers and I broke away from the crowd, steps slow coz Rei was falling asleep to the rhythm of my swaying. My parents were comforting Tsume and Hana and I knew I should probably go by so they could see Rei or something but right then all I wanted was to get the fuck out of there.

So I kept walking away, only pausing when they stopped on either side of me.

There was enough space between us to let us know what exactly we were each feeling—whatever it was, it was something that would never be acknowledged or spoken about. We just knew, the three of us—the three left, the three that hadn't been in that car accident in the highway.

We stood there with our backs stiff and our shoulders squared and our eyes avoiding making contact. I counted the blades of grass—I always lose count after ten before I'm fucking sure I'm counting the same blades twice—or staring at the smudges of Naruto's converses or tracing the creases on Neji's jeans.

"Rei…"

"She's fine," I said, my voice low and gruff.

"That's good." I could imagine Naruto nodding his head, running his hands through his hair, droopy spikes a mess. "That's good… I'm glad."

There was silence after that—there was no light banter, no teasing, no joking, no sarcasm, no insiders that only we understood that made me grin and made Neji chuckle and made Naruto do that loud laugh of his. There was no fucking giveaway to the fact that the three of us had known each other for years and years. It was like we were three strangers trying to find comfort but too proud to admit it and too proud to give any away.

We were total strangers; the complete fucking opposite of what a death in a family should come down to.

There was a distance between us, right then—a road splitting in three directions and it's like we were individually shoved into each one. The distance was only growing at an impressive pace and I fucking swore there was no way we could ever catch up to each other again.

"So… You got custody, huh?"

I shrugged a shoulder, shifted Rei to my other side and let out a short sigh. "I guess, man—she's my godchild."

And then the deafening silence came back.

Naruto sighed after a while, after we all shifted around awkwardly at least fifteen times in a span of five minutes. "I… I…"

He didn't even finish, yet we fucking got it.

"Yeah."

"Yes."

Then, silence came one more time and we began to walk away with Naruto on my right and Neji on my left. We paused at the parking lot and there was a sigh and a grunt and one of us shook our head. There was anger somewhere in there, somewhere in between the lines that separated the three of us. There was anger and hurt and discomfort and when we got to our individual cars I knew that was where it all ended.

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When I drove out of that cemetery, I didn't stop driving until I was as far away from home as fucking possible.

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Yeah, that's right. I ran away—I left home, I left Oto and I left everything fucking behind because I wanted to get away from it.

Did you really expect me to live there, knowing that every time Karin left the house it was to go to the hospital to see Ino and Suigetsu? You think I wanted to see her splotchy face, eyes red-rimmed because she always ended up crying without even realizing it? You think I wanted to walk and drive and see the same shit I would've with Kiba?

Hell fucking no.

I wanted the fuck out of my hometown.

And the funny shit was that I knew it was going to happen; somewhere in between finding out about the accident and the wake and the funeral I had packed some shit up and shoved them in my trunk, ready for whenever I lost all my sanity and decided to fucking floor that shit and get the fuck out.

Guess the funeral and the emptiness of what was left of our circle and the inability to even be able to have a decent conversation with what was left of my friends was the last fucking straw.

And could you even blame us for that sorry excuse of a moment in the cemetery? Would you have been able to swallow everything up and talk and grieve with your two last best friends? I bet you're saying yeah and I bet you're calling us idiots. Well fuck you, ain't no one perfect like you, princess. People grieve in different ways.

Ours was to drift away.

A decade and a half of friendship stocked up and stored away on a shelf. You know how when an empire falls, everything goes into complete chaos? Yeah, that's how some friendships are, how dealing with grief and loss is; spare me your judgment.

It was easy, too—leaving. Disappearing and running away was my specialty; remember, I said so before, I ran away a lot to gather up my thoughts and brood in peace and shit like that. So leaving hadn't been a problem; the only difference was that I wasn't gonna come back anymore.

That's how Rei and I wound up in Konoha.

My parents were from Konoha before they moved down to Oto when my older brother was born. See, Oto is a small town—like the ones in the movies with Victorian homes with front and back porch and white fences and a small park at the center of the town. Oh, and everyone knew each other.

Konoha, though, is big and loud—a city that never slept, city lights swallowing the stars. You gotta look both ways to cross the street coz ain't no one stopping for you.

When Rei and I got there, we stayed at a grungy motel for a while, while I looked for a small and convenient place to stay. We found a place on the second day of searching; in the downtown district of Konoha, in an apartment complex colored a dark teal with black gates at the entrance.

The place available was on the fourth floor, apartment 4F—one bedroom, one bathroom, small kitchenette and a small living room. It was perfect; Rei was still so little, she'd sleep in the same room with me and when she grew up we'd just find a bigger place. It was all peachy good.

We moved in two days after finding the place, after signing a shitload of papers and getting to know the maintainers of the place. There were three of them—siblings—and by the meeting, it seemed like the girl was the one in charge while her brothers were there for an image thing, like, to show me who the bosses are. As if I gave a fuck and was easily intimidated.

Anyway.

The building was their father's before he passed away, so went the story.

I didn't much care but Rei was being entertained by one of her brothers and it felt nice to rest with no two-year old on my lap.

So that's how it went—my best friend died and my other two friends were lost in Limbo, their bodies in the hospital and attached to some machines. And the rest of us split apart instead of sticking together. And I moved away because I'm a goddamn coward. And I'm okay with that.

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My phone rang a lot, after that.

I never really picked up. Just sorta stared at the caller ID—it was almost always my mother, or Karin, or Itachi and sometimes even my dad. Mom always left a voicemail that I never even listened to because I know she'd be angry and sad and probably asking me to come home. She'd also probably mention something about my dad being mad at me.

Not that that's any news to me. My dad's always mad at me; says I'm too much like he was when he was younger so he knows all the stupid shit I get myself into.

I shoulda probably disconnected that phone line or at least changed my number. But I don't know, I never really had the heart to do it; maybe it was coz changing my number woulda been like cementing the fact that everything changed. That something in my life got fucked up and I was switching gears to get away from it.

Sounded like too much wangst for something like changing my phone number, but that's legit how it'd felt.

The days blurred into themselves and I was nothing but a numbed fool rolling along with them, taking care of my new daughter and not having a clue of what I was doing. Grieving was hard; if I wasn't paying attention to what was going through my mind, what I was doing, the thoughts would flood right on in and I was suddenly cold and distant and thinking about what if I had gone with them? What if _I_ was the one driving?

My driving was always more reckless and faster than Kiba's but I always knew what I was doing.

Would we have all been in the same accident?

Would Kiba be dead?

Would I still be here, in this new city, in this new home, with my new daughter?

And then I'd think about how just the day before I had spent the day eating pizza and drinking beer with my asshole friends—the five of us, in my room being complete fucking morons like we always did since the moment we turned eighteen and could legally drink without having to pretend what was in our water bottle was flavored juice or water.

And the day after, suddenly, my best friend was dead and my other two friends were in the hospital.

How the fuck does that saying go?

You never know what you had until it's gone.

But that was the life I was living, then. Some dumb asshole with a few screws loose up in his head and a terror of a two year old to take care of in some dingy apartment in an entirely new city.

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* * *

This goes out to my best friends; Sonya, Rhea, Paige, Sara, Emily and Chloe and also to a special little friend I have named Charley.

First POV is my most favorite style to read and I've been reading it a lot both on here (staring at you Daisy) and with books. I haven't written in this style since Soda Pop, bless that ridiculous fic (wait there's that girlbroship fic I never finished...) and so I'm excited! Most of you should remember this one, I rewrote it about three times before I decided the story I wanted to tell would be better told in first POV.

So yeah! This was supposed to be a oneshot but it got super long; it's finished and I'll post the second/last part... Soon.

In the words of this one bad bitch I know, tell me if you liked it, don't tell me if you didn't (:


	2. Sunset

‹ the make believe theory ›

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So you're probably thinking 'what now, Sasuke? Your friends got in a tragic car accident that changed everything and you ran away. So what now? What's the point of this story?'

Well, okay, I'm getting there; you can't rush a goddamn story.

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You know how when you're reading a book and sometimes you get completely turned off by how abruptly things shift around? I never really understood that pet peeve; I actually don't mind it—not that I read too much, but when I do read and something just makes a sharp right turn I actually get more into the book. Like that keeps me on my feet—like an adrenaline shot. Like driving over the speeding limit at three in the morning, down the highway with nothing but the motor going apeshit under the hood, the wind and the music.

But life's like that, that's the thing.

Nothing's gonna smoothly fall into place to the point where you can't even feel it. Life's gonna make U-turns, sharp right turns, wide left turns and it's gonna head into a shitload of bumpy roads and when you get struck by something, it's gonna happen out of nowhere and when you least expect it.

So when I tell you this next part of my story, I want you to keep that in mind. I want you to focus on other things rather than going all 'what the serious fuck, Sasuke, that's so unrealistic; it can't happen all like that, so fast' because I'll shut you up right on the spot. Yes it can happen because it happened to me.

You can call it a badly written story.

I call that shit my life.

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Her name was Sakura and she was the barista at the café Rei and I went to every day.

When people look at me—this five-seven foot dude with messy hair, scruffy clothes, a permanent scowl on his face and a two year old attached to his hip—they assume I'm this antisocial, broody motherfucker that doesn't really go into relationships. And you know what, they're kinda right. The closest thing to a relationship I had was with my neighbor, back in Oto—her name was Kin and the basic thing we did was fuck each other's brains out.

A guy has needs, right? If you think that a dude's gonna preserve himself because he basically dislikes everyone, you're wrong. Dudes have needs—_I _have needs. And I'm not inwardly _dead_ either; if a chick passes me by and she's attractive I'm gonna stare at her for a second longer than I should. After everything, I'm human, ain't I?

But no, man, Sakura crept up on me in the most obvious way. I just didn't _get_ it.

The first time I went into the café was with Temari—she's the manager of the apartment where I was living—coz she was showing me around and shit like that. We walked up to the counter and she ordered something sweet (I think it was a white chocolate mocha) and I got myself a tea and a buttered bagel for Rei.

I didn't even _notice _her when I was ordering.

And she had _pink hair_.

She was short; like four-eleven or five feet on the dot (maybe even five-two, I don't know) and her hair was pink and short, with a side part and side-swooped bangs. And her eyes were these amazing green; all yellow and green and gold and silver framed with dark red-violet lashes and violet eyeliner to make them stand out.

I just accepted my order and moved along.

Temari was the one I tolerated more, out of her and her two brothers. Kankuro always had a shit-eating grin that I was too used to seeing on other people and Gaara reminded me too much of myself to even bother with the kid. But Temari was crude at best and Rei really liked her so she always did the favor in watching her while I searched for a job or something along those lines.

She also didn't ask me for dates.

She made me think of Tenten, actually—spitfire and with no fucks to give about anything. That was why I accepted to go eat breakfast with her at the café whenever she offered.

Anyway, back to Sakura.

I didn't really notice her until this one time when Rei wandered onto the other side of the counter and Sakura picked her up and showed her the register. I had gotten too into the word game I had downloaded for her on my iPad. It wasn't until I finally looked up, that I noticed Sakura was taking someone's order with Rei on her hip and her hands clasped together to keep her there.

I think I noticed her because of her smile.

It was a very nice smile.

I waited until the person she'd been taking care of was gone before I got up and went to get my overly friendly daughter. Rei gave me that little smile of hers that told me she _knew_ she wasn't supposed to be doing what she was caught doing. Sakura laughed when Rei hid her face against her chest and handed her towards me when I reached out for her.

"Sorry," I said, sighing.

"Oh my god, no," she said, fixing her oversized Rolling Stones t-shirt and grinning at me. "Your daughter is so _cute_."

That was the moment I realized she was very attractive, when her green eyes connected with mine and her smile was still intact and it didn't matter that she was wearing a big band-tee messily tucked into high-waist shorts with black tights underneath because she was really fucking attractive and I felt the tips of my ears burn.

"She's not my daughter," I said automatically. Except she actually was, I reminded myself so I sighed and said, "I mean… She is… But she isn't…"

And I didn't even notice I had gestured at my dick until I watched Sakura's eyes lower down to that area before snapping back up to meet my eyes.

Lame move, man.

"Oh," she said, her lips quirking in this really attractive way, "I see."

I shifted Rei awkwardly, promising I'd pay her back for putting me in this awkward position.

"She's cute nonetheless," she said and reached for Rei's hand. "Come visit me again soon, okay…"

"Rei."

"Rei," she finished up, smiling.

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Now, don't go thinking that I was gonna plunge head first into something with Sakura because I was never that kind of guy and I had other priorities than getting laid. I did think she was pretty fucking attractive and I did like the way she and Rei formed this… weird bond or whatever because every time we'd enter the small coffee shop, Rei would screech a loud and dragged out hi and Sakura would laugh and take her out of my arms, give her a madeleine and let her explore the back room.

Rei didn't talk much, that was the thing.

She was a lazy little girl, like her fucking dad. She _knew_ how to talk, she just refused to because she found it easier to point and demand and throw tantrums. It was worse after Kiba and Ino went out of her life in the way they did. Rei was a little girl, then, but no one ever gives kids the credits they deserve. Sometimes, they know more than adults do and Rei… Rei knew her parents weren't going to come back to her and she kind of just… stopped talking.

So to hear her say hello to Sakura in the way she did… It was something.

Rei's my daughter now, and even before then she was my goddaughter—either way she was my kid and though I'm pretty sure I make a shit dad and a shit-everything because I can never get passed worrying about myself, I did try. I tried in the form of getting Rei a kitty—little thing, it was, gray fur and big blue eyes. Kid fell in love with it instantly.

We went everywhere with the little furball. She wanted to go to the park? Kiri had to come with us. The café? Kiri had to be there, too. We had to restock on some stuff for the apartment, buy some more pull-ups for Rei or anything else, Kiri had to tag along too. I never had the heart to say no to the kid because the _look_ she'd give me would always freeze me to my bones.

It should be illegal to look so much like your parents, the way Rei looked like Ino and Kiba.

Anyway.

That's how Sakura came into my life.

Not for me, not about me, not because of me.

It was Rei.

Because the look of pure excitement in her dark brown eyes made me grin and the way she looked like the same little girl that stole my heart, running around the café and shrieking with giggles when Sakura had time to play with her for at least two minutes made me a bit light headed. At home, she'd sit and watch Disney movies or curl up next to me and watch my every move, like she was scared I was gonna leave too.

So then, I decided we'd go to the café at least once a day, every week, so my kid could be herself again just for a little while.

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Believe it or not, I liked Konoha. It was big and everyone I was forced to talk to were people I'd only see once in my life—unless those people were Temari, Kankuro and Gaara because those assholes were annoying and popped into my apartment whenever I least expected them to freeload off my food and watch the football game off my HD cable (hey man, gonna live, gotta live large) but I only let it slide because Rei would sit next to them, her feet barely reaching the edge of the couch and one of her little hands wrapped around Kankuro's fingers.

But yeah, I liked that I had to go out of the apartment to find a laundry-mat to do my and Rei's laundry, I liked that I had to drive for more than five minutes to reach my job and I liked the annoyance of finding a babysitter if Temari was unavailable to watch Rei while I worked my shift.

It was… Unpredictable, I suppose.

That's what I liked—the fact that everything was unpredictable. Nothing was like the day before.

For example, on the Thursday about a month after leaving Oto. It was laundry day but Temari was out and Kankuro and Gaara were nowhere to be found. I normally don't like taking Rei to the laundry-mat because she sees open space and starts running like crazy and she always ends up hitting herself with the door of a washer that some douche left open. And Rei's tantrums are legit and I hate dealing with them.

Obviously, without my main three babysitters and the obvious inability to find one at the last minute, I had to bring Rei with me to the laundry-mat. S'cool, I carried the basket in between my arm and hip and had Rei hold the middle finger of my free hand. Normally, she liked to be carried because she's a lazy little punk like that—unless we're going to the park, because if I'm moving too slow for her liking, she pulls me until I hurry up.

Anyway.

So we go to the laundry-mat. It's not all that full, thankfully, because when it's full its usually mothers with their snotty kids who coax Rei to play with them and it's a hell of a noise and so goddamn annoying. Rei let go of my hand and ran to the vending machine, just to stare up at the colored wrappers of the candy bars and stuff.

Even if it was just me and Rei, we always filled up at least two big washers and two little ones; Rei changed her clothes constantly especially since she hated having anything touch her ankles or her wrists. And since Konoha's cold-ish in the mornings, I forced her to wear pants and long sleeves, then at noon, she changed into shorts and a short-sleeved shirt and then for dinner she changed one more time. And this happened daily, man.

I load up our washers and go fight with the machines to hand me my washing-card after I filled it up with cash. After all that mess was done and the clothes were lost in water and foam, I sat down on one of the benches and Rei came to hug me by running in between my legs and throwing her upper half against me, legs dangling in the air.

Her eyes had been on the scenery on the other side of the window-wall I was sitting in front of when she suddenly gasped in that way of hers. She pulled away from me, like I was acid and burning to the touch, and ran out the door of the laundry-mat. I was up on my feet but before I could even go after her I heard Rei screeching, "Hiiiiii!" in that way she does to only one person.

Sakura walked in, holding Rei up and looking around, trying to locate me.

"Hey," she said and she was smiling like she was my savior.

I gave her a nod because I legit never knew how to act around her, let alone how to talk to her. She's on this entire different level than me; she's always smiling, knowing how to talk to little kids and adults the same, like she just pulled them into her orbit and everyone was okay with it because she had amazing green eyes and a killer grin.

Rei was hugging her, her little arms around Sakura's neck and her head resting on her shoulder. Sakura sat down on the right side of the bench I was sitting on and Rei's staring up at me with this sly smile because she always felt like she won something when Sakura held her close. I sat down next to them and slouch a bit and I felt really fucking awkward—what the fuck do I even talk to her about?

"It's such a pretty day to be stuck doing laundry," she said, shifting around so she could stare outside, her knee against the side of my thigh. "Isn't that right, Rei?"

Rei's smile just grew wider.

"It's her fault," I said, scoffing and looking away, my arms crossed in front of my chest. "She's the one that changes three times a day."

Sakura laughed, shifting Rei around in her arms and leaning her back against the wall. "It's okay, Rei. Boys don't understand how difficult it is to be a diva; your daddy's one of 'em."

I scoffed, shook my head and rolled my eyes because she didn't even get that I had a sister whose only functions were clothes and boys and I grew up with that, man, and it always drove me insane. I'm practically immune to it… Sorta.

"What are you doing around here, anyway?" I asked because Sakura didn't live around here, Temari once told me.

She stared at me; Sakura's the kind of person that stared when people were talking, like, giving them her undivided attention. And it wasn't creepy, either. You know how sometimes, people stare at you unblinkingly and they have the ugliest, weirdest stare ever that it kinda freaked you out and made you super uncomfortable? Sakura's was the kind that just seemed normal, the kind that didn't even bother you.

"Just got done with my shift," she said. "I was going to head home and take a nap but the day's too pretty for that. Mind if I hang out here with you cool kids?"

I stared at her for a second and the way Rei was playing with the necklace that dangled around her neck and rested on her chest. I snorted, shaking my head one last time and got up to add some softener to the washers.

.

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.

Eventually, shit settled down and I made believe that I was okay and that Rei was okay and that everything was okay.

Sometimes, when I wasn't looking, I'd get these weird moods—like anxiety—where I'd wonder how the fuck was I going to raise this little girl on my own, you know? And then those thoughts would warp and I'd start having memories of my douchebag friends, remembering their distinct laugh and the way we'd crowd my room and watch the baseball or football game or we'd just play video games and sometimes Karin and Ino would crash and just… That was all over.

And that's what'd make me sit up at night, sometimes, and watch Rei sleep next to me.

Something that I had been so sure that would be a part of my life until I basically died, was gone.

There was no hanging out anymore, no battle of wits, no glaring at Suigetsu because he'd sneak out of my room and go sneak around with my sister. There was no more street hockey or street baseball or street football.

I made believe that I was okay but that theory wasn't looking too good despite the fact that I—stubbornly—made new friends and met a girl that I could possibly have really strong feelings for, if life kept going this way. And if I was still grieving, how exactly was I supposed to, you know, move on?

.

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I told Sakura my life story one day when she accompanied me and Rei to the park.

I don't think I remember when exactly she began to be our guest in our outings, but we'd walk with Rei leading the way and holding Kiri close while Sakura and I would walk a few steps behind, talking about something different with each trip. In the time that'd passed, I learned a lot about Sakura; she was about eight months younger than me, she was adopted and had two mothers, and a friend of one of her mothers' was the owner of the café where she worked.

Her favorite color was royal blue—not blue, not navy blue, not _baby_ blue… Royal blue. She was really dead set on pointing out that it was an entirely different shade of blue and that she would not have anyone change it. She had a pet turtle named Lady and on her days off she liked to read books under the sun.

She was a weirdo, too. Like she sometimes talked to herself and sometimes she talked _about_ herself as if she was an entirely different person. But she knew how to cook and whenever she was out early on her shift, she'd drop by our apartment with free pastries and invite us to hang out with her at the park.

And whenever Temari or her idiot brothers were unavailable, she babysat Rei so I could work in peace.

Anyway.

We were walking into the park when she mentioned that I had bags under my eyes and that I looked troubled and more rumpled than usual. And it's been close to two months and a half since I left Oto, since my best friend died—I don't even know the condition of my other two friends and if my other living friends were doing good and if my sister was okay and it's fine because I wanted it this way but… I spilt it all.

I told her that I ran away and that I was a goddamn coward and that sometimes I didn't think I was good enough to raise Rei alone and that Kiba and Ino were stupid to ever think I would be okay doing it on my own and that I wished I could have a re-do and at least tell Kiba he's a fucking idiot one last time because he deserved it and that maybe, if I had a re-do, I could have kept them from getting in the car and they could all be alive and we'd all be in my room spilling beer on my carpet and not giving a fuck about it.

After I finished, taking a deep breath and running a hand through my hair, we went quiet. I didn't want to look at her or the look of pity she was going to offer me. Because I didn't want pity—save that for some other poor fool. I wanted… I don't know. I want to say I wanted comfort, but I have always been too proud to ever accept that, anyway.

But when she did turn towards me, her eyes held everything but pity. She looked sad, like what I was feeling was something she was feeling too, and her lips were set in a sad frown and she paused from walking and wrapped her arms around my torso and said something like, "I'm sorry to hear that, Sasuke. I don't think you're a coward. I think you're trying to adjust."

And I swear to fucking god I think I fell in love with this girl right then, when she pulled away and gave me a quick smile before walking off to play with Rei.

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That was my life. My new life, anyway.

Breakfast at the café early in the morning, walks through the parks, sunbathing on the grass, doing laundry—me and my daughter and this barista named Sakura Haruno. Sometimes, she'd come over and we'd go out for lunch or dinner, or we'd stay in and watch Disney movies with Rei or color in coloring books or other ridiculous things like that.

Time went by coz it never waited for anyone and the seasons changed with it. Soon, it was winter and Rei had to wear pants and jeans and leggings with long-sleeves and jackets and it was a battle every time to the point where I would have to call Sakura and have her coax her into submission.

I was working the night shift, one night. Sakura was with Rei and we'd made a deal that I'd drive her back home; it was raining and on my break I stood in the alley where the supermarket kept the dumpsters. I liked the way the rain felt against my skin; soothing and freezing. My phone had been vibrating a lot since about twenty minutes ago but I hadn't paid much attention to it. Not that I even could, unless I wanted to lose my job.

And I only remembered its insistent vibrating when it began to do so again in my pocket.

It was Sakura and my mind quickly began to wonder what the hell Rei could be doing that not even Sakura could handle.

"What—"

"Sasuke, Kiri is missing."

Well, shit, I had thought. Kiri was still a small furball and it was raining and dark. She could be anywhere.

"Okay," I sighed, "Where's Rei?"

"I managed to get her to sleep. I told her you'd taken Kiri with you to buy her a new toy."

"Huh…"

"I hate lying," she moaned on the line. "This is going to destroy me. We have to find her."

I ran a hand through my damp hair and blew air into my cheeks, trying to search the brick wall in front of me for some answers. "Okay. Let me make a deal with Shino and have him cover for me for the rest of the night. I'll call you when I'm outside. Get Kankuro or one of them to stay with Rei."

"Okay," she whispered and I hung up.

We searched for hours, let me tell you. We went through every nook and cranny in the alleys nearby, circled the block, went through the nearby neighborhoods and looked under the parked cars and everything. We were soaked within the half hour but we kept searching until the rainfall got angrier and we had no other choice but to return home, empty-handed.

We were dripping and Kankuro was sitting on the couch, watching a movie in the HBO channels and… Kiri on his lap.

I felt Sakura tense up next to me and I almost grinned when she pointed at the cat and stage whispered a demand to know where she was.

"She snuck into my apartment at some point," Kankuro explained, chewing on some Doritos. "…Why?"

"Nothing," I sighed out, grinning when Sakura made a shriek of annoyance and threw herself on the couch.

Kankuro shrugged a shoulder and left the apartment shortly after, talking about how weird we were and that the movie was getting good and he was going to miss crucial parts in his transition from my apartment to his. I sat down next to Sakura, not minding that we were messing the grungy couch up with our wet clothes and I chuckled because she was played a fool by a cat.

Sakura glared at me at first and she looked really beautiful when she did that. Her eyes grew brighter and sharper with fire and they glinted in this way that shouldn't be normal. But then she threw her head back and laughed, mentioning how funny I looked all wet, with my nose red and my hair stuck to my forehead.

And that's when I first kissed her.

In that moment, when she's laughing at the whole situation, laughing at me, looking happy and so Sakura with her stupid pink hair and amazing green eyes. Her hair was frizzing up and her clothes were stuck like second skin and I pressed my lips to hers and swallowed some of her laugh and I grinned against her lips because I know she was wide eyed and surprised before I pulled away and walked to my room to get her a change of clothes.

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I bet you're like 'oh yeah now we're talking. Give me the awkward conversations and the dates'.

Nope, none of that happened. I didn't ask her out on dates and she never asked what that kiss was about. We did it more, after that; I kissed her when I'd drive her home after my late shift and I'd kiss her when she'd leave after having lunch with us and, once, I kissed her until we were both breathless and her fingernails scraped my chest and my hands memorized her curves.

But we never talked about it.

It was something that settled in.

Crept up and decided to stay and we were both okay with it.

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We did a Disney marathon, one night weeks later when it was getting close to Christmas. Rei was settled in between us, looking happy and pointing and talking about the parts she remembered in her weird Rei way where she didn't pronounce the 'r'.

We had mac n' cheese for dinner via Rei's request along with a side of apple juice and soda. I never saw my kid look so happy and okay; she'd shift from resting her head against my ribs to resting on Sakura's lap. The only time we ever moved from our positions were to switch DVDs or to get something from the fridge—time flew by because it always did when you were doing things you liked.

It was at least midnight when we came back to the real world. Mulan had just finished and Rei was passed out with her head on Sakura's lap.

"I should get going," she said as I picked Rei up and went to turn the TV and DVD player off.

"Why?"

She stared at me, blinking as if it was obvious.

"Just stay," I said, shrugging a shoulder.

It was quiet and our eyes connected and I wonder if she got what I said.

She didn't say anything, though. But I understood her answer when she led us towards the room.

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.

Rei looked happier.

It was a new year and she was okay; sometimes she'd drift off and when she'd come to she'd start to cry and I understood it. Because Rei had been old enough to recognize her parents and it's been months since she's seen them and sometimes she would remember it. And when that happened she'd run to me and hug me as if her life depended on it, her arms around my neck and her face against my shoulder and I'd have to shush her in a gentle fatherly way that I didn't even know I could pull off.

Sakura took care of her—of us—in ways we had both missed. Rei had needed a mother and I… I had needed a push on moving on and letting go.

We were a goddamn weird family; sometimes Sakura and I would end up arguing about something trivial or we'd get engrossed in our conversation and looked like best friends trying to catch up before our time was up. Rei liked to walk in between us, holding my middle finger and Sakura's pinky and she'd call her mama to match the way she called me papa.

It was… Weird and terrifying but this was my life, now. I had a family; a girlfriend and a daughter and a sad story to drag around with me.

Sakura said I should go back to Oto to set everything down, bury demons and find the actual closure that I needed and deserved, settle things with my friends and get my mother to stop worrying about me the way she probably still was after all this time.

I didn't know how to reply and I'd always end up angry because I didn't know how to do all that or if I even had a right. It was months—almost a year—since everything and sometimes I realized I would crave to go to Kiba's grave and maybe say ten million awful things and let him in on how Rei was doing and maybe even grow quiet so he'd get that I missed him because I wouldn't ever say it aloud. Not that he'd ever need me to.

That's how I got myself back in Oto, after so much arguing and leaving home to drive around the streets of Konoha to gather myself. That's how I found myself driving down streets I knew by memory towards my childhood home where me and my friends would always hang out.

That's how I got slapped in the face when Karin saw me, angry hot tears in her eyes when she demanded to know what the fuck had my problem been to leave like that and never even give a sign of life. That's how my stupid kid sister threw herself onto me, pride be damned, and cried onto my shoulder and called me all the obnoxious names she would always call me.

That's how my mother ran down the porch and flung herself at me, pulled away and inspected me from head to toe, tears rolling down her cheeks and calling for my dad and turning towards Sakura and Rei.

That's how my dad stared at me with a look that told me things he's never said to me in my life; a truce and an understanding that I had needed space and time just how he had needed space and time when Naruto's dad died from a heart attack years ago when we were still sixteen.

That's how my family met Sakura, how they got to see and know and understand that I had my own family now and that I was okay or as okay as I was ever going to be.

.

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When I went to the hospital, I had thought I'd be alone.

I never knew what room Suigetsu had been in before but as I walked down the hall, I noticed he was move into his own room, where he was to rest until he finally decided to wake the fuck up. I wondered how many times Karin walked in these halls to check on him and sit at his bedside and silently demand he finally get up and stop being a lazy asshole.

At home, I had asked about them. About him and Ino and my dad had let me know that Ino was never going to wake up but that there was still an infinite amount of hope for Suigetsu.

It made sense—it hurt, but it made sense. Ino had been in the front, with Kiba. Most critical place to get hit in a car accident. Kiba had died in the collision and Ino had gone into vegetative state. Rei's biological parents—my friends—were gone and they were gone for good but there was still a chance for my one stupid friend.

I went into the room and the first thing I took notice was of the moron laying on the bed. His hair had gotten longer, still white and straight and a bit messy. He was still pale and so still, on the bed, just lying there like if he was sleeping and nothing else. I stared at him for a good long time, taking in that all his wounds from the accident were gone and healed and that he was just gone, lost in his head and too lazy to make his way back.

After him, I noticed that he wasn't alone in the room and that Neji and Naruto were already there.

Karin had said they'd come here daily to visit, but I hadn't thought we'd clash and be here at the same time.

I was expecting our reunion to be… A bit different. But this made sense.

Seeing each other after that day at the cemetery after Kiba's funeral, seeing each other here in Suigetsu's hospital room.

It was quiet and we stared at each other for a long time. There were looks of anger and from their part but it's subdued with understanding because the three of us had felt it; the fork roads keeping us away from each other and the endless miles separating us. But I've read in places that people drift off because they have their things to do in life but sometimes they come back together because their roads intertwine again and I guess that's us, huh?

"'sup," Naruto said. He looked older, his hair shaggier and his blue eyes sharper.

"Not much," I replied, walking further into the room until I stood next to Neji and leaned against the wall. "You?"

"Same."

"Where've you been?" Neji asked in a drawl.

"Konoha," I replied and it's like we're playing twenty one questions.

"Cool," he answered.

"Tenten's pregnant," Naruto said, "We came to tell Suigetsu."

I looked down at Neji where he sat on the chair and I kind of smirked in the way that I do only for him because I know it always pissed him off. "Congrats."

"How's Rei?"

"Good," I said, "Great. She's at home with Sakura and my parents."

"Sakura?"

Naruto waggled his eyebrows at me. "You sly dog."

And like that… Just like that… The wall that still threatened to divide us tumbled down and we were the same idiots from months before, from way before the accident where we'd bicker and argue and talk each other down in ways friends do. Naruto clapped me on the back and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, told me about how he and Hinata found a place together but he still always went to visit his mother every single day because he didn't want her to be alone. Neji and Tenten lived together, too, and she was three months pregnant that very day.

At some point, we turned our attention to Suigetsu and reminded him of all the stupid shit we used to do. And at some point we'd laugh and forget about the fact that Neji and me were the two 'stoic' ones and that laughing shouldn't really be our thing. And before we left the hospital we told him he needed to hurry up and wake up.

"Quit being a lazy asshole," I said and I gently pulled at some of his hair. "You need a haircut. You straight up look like a girl."

"You're missing out on a lot of food, man," Naruto added. "We ain't getting any younger so quit making us wait."

We left, then, and we went to catch up—to really catch up—at the old diner we would always go to where we talked about everything and reminisced about. I didn't go to Kiba's grave because I didn't feel like I was ready, especially if Ino's was there—which I never even asked because I didn't want to know the answer—I had just reconciled with my friends, visited another and shit like this should be taken one step at a time, right?

I wasn't ready to go talk to a tombstone in place of my best friend's stupid face.

So I sat there, in a booth with my last two best friends and settled down.

And when I got home, Sakura and Rei were waiting for me at the front porch and when Naruto and Neji met her—and Naruto wrapped her up in a bear hug—and began to plan a reunion of some sort I felt… I felt okay. And I wasn't make-believing anymore. I was okay.

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I had said my story wasn't a love story, right. Not all of it, anyway.

My story was about moving on and letting go. It took me months, I had up and left my life and my family and my remaining friends and it had took me months to let it all settle in and let it all go and even up to this very day I still get lost in thought and depressed because my best friend was dead and the parents of my adoptive daughter are gone.

Suigetsu's awake now and he and Karin are together and sometimes he has breakdowns—survivor's guilt—but he's okay and my sister takes good care of him. We've all kept moving along with life; Neji and Tenten have their son and Naruto and Hinata are finally married and Sakura and I have Rei and a little monster on the way.

Rei is in preschool and she's grown up a lot. I still have trouble doing her pigtails when Sakura has an early morning shift and I'm left to drop her off to school. She still likes to have Disney marathons and when I least expect it, she hugs me and tells me she loves me and refuses to let me go for a good ten minutes.

I didn't go back to Oto because my life was in Konoha with Sakura and Rei and the manager of my apartment and her two brothers. We went and visit a lot and when I finally moved on—_really_ moved on, I visited Kiba's grave and caught him up on everything he missed since he went and got himself killed. Ino is buried next to him and when Rei turned four I took her up there and she kneeled in between their graves and cried and said she was okay and that I was taking good care of her.

Yeah.

My kid and me… We're okay.

Oh, in case you forgot. I'm Sasuke.

It was nice meeting you, I guess.

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_fin_

* * *

If it wasn't clear from that last scene, it's been two years since the story Sasuke was telling. Thank you so much for reading, I feel so accomplished for actually finishing this and shout out to Rhea and Paige for stopping me every time I wanted to quit and scrap it!

Lastly, for the entirety of this fic, I listened to Sleep Walk by Santo & Johnny, just throwing that out there.

Tell me if you liked it, keep the rest to ya self (:


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